“Whenever Steve is irritated with me for trivial matters, he throws things. If he gets my voicemail, if dinner isn’t ready yet, if I’m not looking at him when speaks to me, on and on. Whether it’s a fork, a water bottle or a pillow, Steve scares me. When I speak up against this behavior, he kisses me and says it’s only because he loves me so much. If he loves me so much, why won’t he stop scaring me?”
“Dana and I went from being teammates on the high school basketball team, to best friends, to life partners. We’ve been there for a lot of up & downs. Her success and earnings have gone way beyond any fantasy — she rich, famous and beautiful. She makes sure I’m never far from her but when any little thing goes wrong for her, she gets frustrated and tells me I’m not worth s***. I’m too fat for her, I’m too dumb, too butch, am holding her back because I don’t earn her type money. I can’t take it. But if you really wanna she the stuff hit the fan, when I’ve tried to break it off, she showers me with presents and sexes me up. But always pointing out nobody else would even want me. Which is the real Dana?”
You fight, he gets furious, throws silverware, says horrible mean things to you. Maybe hits you.
She’s unhappy so takes her negative feelings out on you by repeatedly criticizing your life, pointing out your flaws and saying you’re worthless.
Soon afterward s/he turns into a comforting, sweet partner bestowing his kindness and affection on you.
Don’t fall for it: it’s the classic training program. The cruel words and violence are meant to bring your down and break your spirit. And the lovey-dovey act as the chaser & reward system. He screams at you, you tolerate it.
If you accept the abuse, you thereby have given him or her all the power. S/he will continue to dominate you and may reward you for submitting to it. Usually, more mental and physical abuse is all you get.
Smart money is on getting out if you can. Be friends, if possible, but do not let this fool hold sway over your self-worth.