LOVE SCENE INVESTIGATION
I’m 25 years old and my boyfriend Barry is 42, divorced and the father of two boys. When we met three years ago he spolied me with attention and made me believe I understood him better than women his own age. He really sold me on the idea that we are soulmates with common interests, common attitudes about diet & fitness and living together in stability without being married. But being the younger partner ain’t all fun and games. We don’t argue often but when we do Barry plays the “I have more experience so what I say goes” card. Which would be fine for smaller issues like whether to buy organic food or premium gasoline. But he’s deciding where we live, where we go on the holidays, how we plan for our futures. And lately he’s been pushing for us to have kids. I’d like to wait a few years til my career is established but he’s getting as slippery as a greased pig about this one. Since he pays alimony and child support and relies on my income to pay our bills, I don’t think he’s in a position to afford more children. His rebuttal to all my reservations and objections is always, “But I love you.” Come to find out Barry has only ever dated younger women — even his ex-wife was 10 years his junior. That seems like a suspicious set of purposeful choices. And consistently with all these women including me Barry wants to run the show and the relationship. Help me stop this thing — I wanna get off.
Geraldo is my sexy young personal trainer. My divorce from Russell left me and our three kids in an enviably comfortable position. But I am delighted to report Geraldo wants to pursue a more personal relationship outside the gym. He says he’s attracted to my worldliness and sensual confidence. I say, “Meow!” I do wonder if this younger man just wants a Mommy. Or to be taken care of. My girlfriends he probably wants both. I must confess I’ve been content to stay unmarried for the past 5 years because “I don’t want to be somebody’s nurse or somebody’s purse.” But in Geraldo’s case, I might make an exception. I mean, look at Madonna.
Love can be found in many guises – May/December romances among them. Bruce Willis, Hulk Hogan’s ex-wife Linda, Demi Moore, Harrison Ford are terrific role models of age-different romances that work. There’s nothing wrong with age difference. However, problems do arise when either party masks their true motivation for the love relationship.
Whether the older party seeks control or arm candy, this kind of revelation can be devastating to the younger party. And if the younger party is revealed to be just a golddigger, the bond of love and affection can be broken forever.
It’s especially creepy to learn our lover has a pattern of pursuing this particular kind of love-game-with-an-agenda repeatedly. It’s as if when one relationship unravels, they just say: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
Observe. Learn. Ask questions. Seek out the friends of your loved ones who are more candid than they ought to be. You’re not trying to undermine your lover but to make sure you’re both on the same page.
The sooner you get to the truth, the better for your lovelife in the long run.