FARMERS AND BROODMARES

LOVE SCENE INVESTIGATION

This friendly maintenance worker Julio at my job always remarks on how I’m gonna “really fill out like a woman” when I have kids.  For years, he’s been saying I have the hips of a goddess, made for breeding and that I’d be a good Mom as long as I make sure to cook what my husband likes.  He says that any man would be proud to have kids that look like me.  That’s usually when I point him to any chick down the hall who I suggest may be eager to hear his “livestock husbandry” theories.  Tells me how many kids we’ll have and what their names will be and how he’ll take them to his home country of Panama.  The creepy impregnation mack.  Sort of charming and complimentary but also gross and inappropriate.  Julio oughtta just focus on his job instead of my ovaries.

-Madeleine E.

My pal Carter is a successful sports journalist.  He has never married and has had a string of girlfriends.  Going on 45 years old, he has announced he only wants babies from a series of women he has identified in terms of resume, schooling and aptitude.  Let’s call it the “sperm bank approach” and it’s likely to get results though custody could get messy.

-Kyla C. 

WARNING SIGNALS

No matter your opinion on the right way to create a family, trust that the next man often has very different ideas.

The sad reality is that some men approach having children like raising livestock.  It’s all bloodlines and insert-sperm-here.  Not romantic, not about love or family bonds, just about the end result of how many.  I know men who date and impregnate women solely because she will give him children who are taller or who look like him or have high IQs.  It’s not a reason — these are the most important reasons. Two years after the kids pop out, he gets a divorce or leaves the home to be a baby-daddy.  Be aware of this especially when guys talk like the gentlemen discussed above.  I’m sure they will find what they seek but don’t you get caught up in some kind of Michael Vick dog-breeding situation by thinking you can change  a knuckle-walker into a Renaissance man.

Have you ever dated someone whom you thought was on the same page about babies, birth control, marriage, etc.?  When you discovered how far wide of the mark his thinking was, he had to go of course.

There’s a few generations of men out there who think it’s okay to have kids out of wedlock with no intention to be obligated to mother and child.  Furthermore, they think this is ideal.  They want the kid and the props for impregnating a woman they’d just prefer to send a check and be out.  I know this is stunning, foreign, degrading thinking but welcome to the madcap Jerry Springer/ Maury Povich world.

TROUBLE-SHOOTING

Put on your Dick Tracy, Jane Tennison hat and play detective.

Does he want you and to be with you?  Or does he just want the babies?

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