I went to college with Kevin.  He was the cool Quarterback upperclassmen that all girls wanted and all the hot, sexy guys from my year looked up to. For Kevin, college was the place where the difference between being a man-slut and popular was negligible. I only knew him on a “what’s up” basis and from going to parties he threw.  Not a frat guy but superstar-popular on campus. But since I worked in media after graduation, I eventually got to know him when he did business with my company.  Lunch at Asia de Cuba, Aquavit, Patria and Lutece.  At nearly 50 years old, Kevin eventually got married.  He and every other well-to-do dude in New York City had gone through the gotta-get-a-lesbian fetish in for a while. And that evolved into the-do-you-have-a-girlfriend-who-could-watch-us riff.  Gross, right?  But that’s Manhattan.  Just like casual games of strip-poker for oral sexual favors.  Not my kind of party but it’s like in the water or something. I just laughed it off as “strange-seeking.”  But now Kevin incessantly invites me over to share dinner and wine with his spicy Dominican wife.  They have some huge collection of Japanese pornos.  He sounds so weird when he talks about it. Like he’s in a trance. The things he’s says are creepy. I know I ain’t going.  Ever. It’s actually sickening.  I think I liked it better when I didn’t know him all that well.

-Kimberly G.

Xander is my new friend from the ad agency where I freelance.  It’s cool to get to know a hip guy who runs in my same fancy, upscale circles in New York City but there’s just some lines I’ve never crossed.  And I probably never will.  I’ve never felt that my sex life was under-populated, that there needed to be a second, third, fourth or fifth person in the room for me to get off.  Sex fantasy is one thing but I honestly think I would die of embarassment for there to be more than A and B involved.  But it’s like e-eeeverybody has done it.  Three-way sex. Menage-a-trois. Not just the guys, not just in Vegas or the Dominican Republic, not just the bisexual chicks.  So here I am in the slow lane loving life.  I just don’t see the point.  And I don’t think I’m being a prude.  It’s like even when I was just a puppy, kissing one person was mind-blowing and amazing.  I didn’t have spare bandwidth to consider one more mouth or person.  Maybe these people have had some sexual abuse situation?  I know I’m grabbing at straws to understand it but I just don’t.  Of course, I’ve worked with people who are public figures who are very promiscuous or seem to be in cases where it’s a front for being gay.  And I know desperate ugly girls who get around, acting as if they’re so fire-hot.  But along comes Xander talking much nonsense about: “All my swinger friends are millionaires and very successful. You know, everyone gets together at a hotel suite or country home.  And it’s a upscale, classy, chill vibe…” All I can think of is the midget orgy scene from Bob Guccione’s Caligula.  Oh, I think I would be appalled when I wasn’t dying laughing.  I’m just not mature enough for the classy swinger scene.  Or whatever.

-Raquel V.


These are strange days, my friend.

These  sexual extremes are considered part of the “new normal.” It’s even featured in a feature spread in W Magazine — the December 2011 issue with the Elle & Dakota Fanning sisters cover.  According to Emily Rothman, an associate professor of community health sciences at Boston University Health Medical Center, 7.3% of teens admitted to having multi-person sex (MPS), 52% reported being pressured, and 43% reported being threatened or forced.   It’s sung about by Katy Perry in pop songs and the terminology is played upon by Nicki “Minaj.”


Grown, consenting adults can do what they like but this just seems like too much risk.  Vis-a-vis venereal disease, mental health and the green jealousy monster.

Have people become de-sensitized so regular one-on-one sex ain’t enough?  The mind continues to boggle…



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LOVE SCENE INVESTIGATION My boyfriend is very concerned about being seen, especially when driving around in classic ’64 Mustang.  He likes to play loud music and profile in the car.  And never lets me wear my seatbelt. -Carrie J. My … Continue reading