On March 8, 2012, author and former music video model Karrine “Superhead” Steffans posted a diatribe about a husband on her Twitter account. (She and her real-life husband are currently separated.) After having dated Bill Maher, Jay-Z, Vin Diesel, Fred Durst, Lil’ Wayne, Russell Simmons and Bobby Brown, Steffans married an regular non-celebrity guy.  She is a Mom. Here are some of her rants about marriage:

Sometimes, in relationships, the pleasure is all theirs. Alone, I am a superhero. With you, I am a mere mortal. You deplete me. I’m tired of being your upgrade. We are not equally yoked. You really deserve someone more basic. I’m tired of pretending your mediocracy is okay with me. I’m tired of pretending I don’t miss G650′s. I’m tied of pretending you’re not a burden.  I’m tired of pretending I don’t deserve a f***ing BOSS! I’m tired of you driving my car. Stop telling me you love me as if you’re doing me some sort of favor. I don’t need you to love me. I love me. I’m tired of pretending like you shouldn’t be intimidated by the other men in my life. Cuz you should. I’m tired of pretending as if I support your bullshit dreams. I’m tired of pretending your d*** isn’t the smallest d*** I’ve ever seen in my life. Cuz it is. I’m tired of pretending your favorite rapper didn’t just beat it up on Friday. I’m tired of paying for everything. I’m tired of you taking all this s*** for granted as if you ever deserved any of it. Give me my Mac back. For real tho. I’m tired of washing your wack ass clothes. I hate your whole face. I’m tired of acting like the sex is good.I hate when you roll all the way over onto my side of the bed to hold me. I’m over here for a reason. Did I mention I’m tired of paying for everything? Okay. I’m tired of giving you the game. I’m tired of pretending you’re anything more than a bum. I should’ve just hired you as a cook and kept it moving. I’m tired of congratulating you for accomplishing minuscule s***. I’m tired of you begging.

I’m tired of moaning when I can’t feel anything! I’m tired of having to think about someone else to get off. I’m tired of having to lock my phone when you’re around. I’m tired of taking showers with you. Can I get a moment! Damn! Yes. He’s better than you. Next question. All night. ‘Til 6 in the morning. Next question. Yes. And I didn’t have to pay for none of it. Next question. Presidential suite. Next question. About 10 inches. Next question.69. Next question. Like a boss. Next question. Balls deep. Next question. I’m tired of having to pretend you’re not the 3rd worst decision I’ve ever made. You should really be with that one chick who bagged our groceries this weekend. That’s more your speed.


In a case where one half of a couple makes substantially more than the other, who pays for the engagement ring? Well, in the case of these three engaged couples where the woman has the bigger paycheck, it certainly wasn’t the future groom. The first couple went directly to the jeweler and cut a deal for a very impressive diamond sparkler. They worked out an arrangement where the couple agreed to make x number of mentions of the jeweler in the press for a 50% discount. Then the female half of the couple paid the balance in cash. The second couple tried harder than anyone to try to talk multiple jewelers into a free ring. When no one would agree to the freebie, she simply turned to her future fiance and said, “Here’s the money. You know what I like. Now, go get me the biggest fucking diamond you can.” The third couple knew ahead of time that they were getting engaged, and she knew exactly what she wanted. Because she likes to control everything, she picked out the ring in a secret private buying session with the jeweler, where they settled on a price. Then she later gave the money to the boyfriend, who went to the store to pay for the ring. Of course she pretended that she had no idea that there was a ring coming, that she was thrilled with her fiance’s taste, and that she was so impressed that he paid for the ring himself. So, when you see those shining baubles on the ring fingers of these lucky stars, you now know that in all three cases, the future groom didn’t have to lay out his own cash… but that he still gets to look like he’s a generous man with good taste.
first couple: Kim Kardashian
second couple: Nicole “Snooki” Pollizzi
third couple: Natalie Portman


Women are bombarded daily with tales to make us want to marry our Prince Charming.  A lot of guys are charming in spades with nary a speck of prince.  We can be so blinded by our dream wedding marrying goal that we may not see the steer we are yoking ourselves to until it is sitting in our condo, on our couch, watching our flatscreen and demanding spending money from our account.  And that’s great if it is indeed what you want with your eyes open.

Too often we don’t hear about a guy’s tax lien, obsession with controlling, bad credit, retirement account depleted by divorce, disdain for working or entitlement to our material wealth until the marriage license is signed and we are pregnant.

Again, it could be a perfect scenario if you want control of your husband and his dependency on you.  Eyes wide open, my dears.  Because I’m though still not sure what Jessica Alba’s husband Cash Warren does for a living, she seems happy with their arrangement.  And so does he.


We know how Kim Kardashian’s marriage turned out. She balked at him moving his stuff into her LA home.  Now, according to published articles,  he’s demanding $7 million to forego embarrassing her in divorce court.  Heidi Klum would have been happy bankrolling her family life if Seal could have been happy for her to work while he stayed home with the kids.  In the end, neither of these famous couple could negotiate the right balance.

Maybe neither wife knew her husband and his priorities and b**ch-ass side well enough before they walked down the aisle.

The “man on the wedding cake” was a smidgen of the real-life burden marriage brought into these women’s lives. Also a smidgen of the blessings.

Not the end of the world but definitely worth considering.  Take your time. Ask your questions.  Consider a pre-nup.

Food for thought.



I’m a Virginia native.  Third generation to graduate from the University of Virginia.  I try to be a solid friend and sorority sister.  I met my boyfriend Ethan at Homecoming.  We’ve been dating six months. I’ve tried to be sweet and attentive and pamper him every way I know how. In that time, we’ve gone to dinner and I’ve made him dinners. We’ve become intimate and it has been great.  We’ve spent nights over and weeks at home together.  I’ve given him some small thoughtful gifts — a Kindle, a humidor, sneakers. But he’s never given me not one gift. Ever.  No gifts, not a single card, no flowers.  We’ve never gone away for the weekend together.  We do argue and he won’t apologize ever.  He just explains his position and experience of the conflict issue and then acts like it’s over. He goes to weddings without me.  Now he’s gone to Rome over Thanksgiving weekend and excused it saying all he did was save money by sleeping over at his ex-girlfriend’s home and going sightseeing “by himself.” You could have knocked me over with a feather. Ethan wasn’t secretive about his special jaunt across the pond — no, he’s been quite upfront. I believe he’s asked for his freedom so I’ve given it to him.  Of course, he downplays all this.  Acts like and talks like any problem is all mine in my head.  Of course, he has put his hand on my neck to shake me and make sure I’m listening as he trivializes this catalog of offenses I’ve “imagined in my head.” Really, Ethan? Really, buddy?

-Jimena L.

My fiance Michael is a bit of an egomaniac but I love him.  He’s really busy as a real estate broker.  It is not easy to be involved with him since he forgot my birthday and still feels it’s okay to attend formal balls without me but with “platonic” girlfriends from college. Michael wants to waste hours of my time hanging out and calling me to talk about himself.  He wants to go out by himself, to the opera without me, to business dinners without me. He says “No big deal.” But I think he wants all the goodies of having a girlfriend but without delivering on any but the minimum of the responsibilities.  Clearly I’m just part of his rotation.  His attitude is why am I wanting anything more than what little he’s willing to give.  He discounts my concerns that he is being disloyal and disrespectful.  His “why are you bugging me” attitude is a big reason I can’t see a future for us anymore. I just wanted to find someone to love me. And who I could love. And trust. But this is all I got.  If Michael’s love was weed, it wouldn’t be enough to get high on.

-Maggie R.


Wow.  Just wow.  The things we accept are mostly things we’ll regret.  And there are a couple of big red flags just a-flapping in the wind with Jimena’s and Maggie’s relationship dynamics.

Reduction words are tip-offs that try to minimize unethical behavior: “Almost never” “sort of” “barely” “no big deal” “not more than” “only a little” “all I did was” “kind of” “but” “once” “just” “merely.”

But why minimize?  Some guys do it because you’re upset and they don’t think you should be.  Some guys wanna do the deed and skip out on the blame. Techniques range. Denying that he intended to hurt you by cheating is big. Claiming “it just happened” as if the action came from the sky and the mists above.

Minimizing lets you know dude believes he’s more important than you. Like when he insists a teasing, hurtful remark was only a joke.  And then adds he rarely jokes like that when he often does.

The most crazy-making minimizing technique comes down to manipulation.  You didn’t hear what you heard.  You couldn’t have seen him do it because it never happened. Therefore he neither has to acknowledge what you imagined nor deal with the hurtful impact of his actions.


You are a grown-up and you don’t require anybody’s help to think any more than you need help to breathe.  By minimizing his transgressions, the person in your life is warning you and telling you he has an abusive nature.

Insults, belittling comments, ignoring you, or acting sulky or angry when you initiate a discussion — these behaviors have no place in a healthy, loving relationship.
And if he does not view you as an equal because he’s older or sees himself as smarter or socially superior, you need to give him his walking papers. It’s not gonna get better.



I went to college with Kevin.  He was the cool Quarterback upperclassmen that all girls wanted and all the hot, sexy guys from my year looked up to. For Kevin, college was the place where the difference between being a man-slut and popular was negligible. I only knew him on a “what’s up” basis and from going to parties he threw.  Not a frat guy but superstar-popular on campus. But since I worked in media after graduation, I eventually got to know him when he did business with my company.  Lunch at Asia de Cuba, Aquavit, Patria and Lutece.  At nearly 50 years old, Kevin eventually got married.  He and every other well-to-do dude in New York City had gone through the gotta-get-a-lesbian fetish in for a while. And that evolved into the-do-you-have-a-girlfriend-who-could-watch-us riff.  Gross, right?  But that’s Manhattan.  Just like casual games of strip-poker for oral sexual favors.  Not my kind of party but it’s like in the water or something. I just laughed it off as “strange-seeking.”  But now Kevin incessantly invites me over to share dinner and wine with his spicy Dominican wife.  They have some huge collection of Japanese pornos.  He sounds so weird when he talks about it. Like he’s in a trance. The things he’s says are creepy. I know I ain’t going.  Ever. It’s actually sickening.  I think I liked it better when I didn’t know him all that well.

-Kimberly G.

Xander is my new friend from the ad agency where I freelance.  It’s cool to get to know a hip guy who runs in my same fancy, upscale circles in New York City but there’s just some lines I’ve never crossed.  And I probably never will.  I’ve never felt that my sex life was under-populated, that there needed to be a second, third, fourth or fifth person in the room for me to get off.  Sex fantasy is one thing but I honestly think I would die of embarassment for there to be more than A and B involved.  But it’s like e-eeeverybody has done it.  Three-way sex. Menage-a-trois. Not just the guys, not just in Vegas or the Dominican Republic, not just the bisexual chicks.  So here I am in the slow lane loving life.  I just don’t see the point.  And I don’t think I’m being a prude.  It’s like even when I was just a puppy, kissing one person was mind-blowing and amazing.  I didn’t have spare bandwidth to consider one more mouth or person.  Maybe these people have had some sexual abuse situation?  I know I’m grabbing at straws to understand it but I just don’t.  Of course, I’ve worked with people who are public figures who are very promiscuous or seem to be in cases where it’s a front for being gay.  And I know desperate ugly girls who get around, acting as if they’re so fire-hot.  But along comes Xander talking much nonsense about: “All my swinger friends are millionaires and very successful. You know, everyone gets together at a hotel suite or country home.  And it’s a upscale, classy, chill vibe…” All I can think of is the midget orgy scene from Bob Guccione’s Caligula.  Oh, I think I would be appalled when I wasn’t dying laughing.  I’m just not mature enough for the classy swinger scene.  Or whatever.

-Raquel V.


These are strange days, my friend.

These  sexual extremes are considered part of the “new normal.” It’s even featured in a feature spread in W Magazine — the December 2011 issue with the Elle & Dakota Fanning sisters cover.  According to Emily Rothman, an associate professor of community health sciences at Boston University Health Medical Center, 7.3% of teens admitted to having multi-person sex (MPS), 52% reported being pressured, and 43% reported being threatened or forced.   It’s sung about by Katy Perry in pop songs and the terminology is played upon by Nicki “Minaj.”


Grown, consenting adults can do what they like but this just seems like too much risk.  Vis-a-vis venereal disease, mental health and the green jealousy monster.

Have people become de-sensitized so regular one-on-one sex ain’t enough?  The mind continues to boggle…



My name is Emilia I’ve been working as the Executive Assistant for the President of the American Quilt Museum for four years.  I know everything and everybody. My boss — he always praises me for working hard.  He says the Museum couldn’t run nearly so smoothly without my diligent, consistent efforts. I’m not bragging but one time the Board of Directors sent me a note with a bouquet of pink roses.  It said the Board members consider me “a treasure, part of the institutional wealth of the Museum.”  This is my dream job.  But six months ago, I got a new boss Matilda Campbell.  The wife of a wealthy donor who got a patronage job as my middle manager.  Matilda does nothing every day except put on an outfit, go in her office around 11am and turn everything on, call her friends and family  then she goes to lunch, comes back and leaves by 4pm.  She “manages” to give me all her work since I was doing it before she arrived anyway.  After three months, Matilda gave me a horrible performance review.  I changed nothing about how I work.  And she warns me that if I don’t improve, “there will need to be change to staffing.”  So I have three kinds I am raising as a single Mom — I can’t afford to lose my job.  I go to lunch with one of my Board Members Todd Sorenstein. When he asks how things are going, I give him the lowdown. He swears me to secrecy but he tells me I’m being railroaded out of there.  Everyone knows Matilda doesn’t want to work — she’s a do-nothing political hire.  He says she doesn’t like how well-liked I am so is cooking up bad performance reviews to put her boot on my a**.  After 4 years? I ask Todd, how much time I have left.  He says, “Matilda’s going to fire you after lunch on Friday.”

-Emilia C.

I am Larry Tsang and I got a bad problem.  I got out of UConn in three years and landed my first job for a children’s television Division President Anna Rogers.  You know, the one who invented “Platypus Dance Team,” “Lions Story Time” and “Ring Around the Rainbow.” I know Hollywood types can be a little crazy and I figured I’d do my time and earn my bump up. But four years and no bump — no better job, no better salary, nothing.  When I suggest shows I could go work on or next-level jobs I could take, Anna jokes, “But who would take care of me then?  I couldn’t find anyone better than my Larry.”  And she’s always hugging me which I can’t stand. But the final straw has come in the form of Anna’s beloved dachshund Twinkle.  Anna flies often and likes to take Twinkle with her.  The woman makes millions but insists that I magically get a free seat for Twinkle in first class. I don’t know what regulations changed but nowadays this free seat is impossible.  I just told Anna and she just told me I’m fired.  No recommendation, no bump, no job, no gratitude. Now I know what her ex-husbands felt like – a used tissue, a disposable razor, an emptied packet of low-sodium soy sauce. Done.  Just like that.  Now what?

-Larry T.


Anyone who works has to deal with some amount of hierarchy.  And, for managers, it’s a delicate balance to firmly tell your direct reports what to do while remaining respectful and kind. It’s one thing to be the boss and quite a different thing to intend to hide behind the title of boss to demean, exploit and harm with impunity.  Firing someone unfairly is a war cry — it is declaring you and your employee as enemies.  It happens so often because bosses plain ol’ get away with it.

But know this: it is a soul-clawing catastrophe to have to answer to a Psychopath Boss. Today’s miserable job market has made jobs scarce and worth holding onto despite harrowing abuse in the workplace.  The most outrageous part is that while you’re finding out about your Psychopath Boss for the first time, their behavior has been like this for a long time.  You are not their first victim.  You’re not discovering fire, the wheel or America. Rest assured that their peers, managers, ex-employees and Human Resources know about it but continue to turn a blind eye.  

Why does your Psychopath Boss hate you and hurt you? Unfortunately, miserable people will not be satisfied until you are as miserable as they are.  Take heart in also knowing that haters don’t really hate you — they hate themselves because you’re a reflection of that they wish to be.  Workplace bullying is the result. Refer to

Since empathy, moral decency and human kindness play no role in any Psychopath’s decision-making process, it’s no surprise that your Psychopath Boss relishes her ability to use, con, deceive, manipulate, betray and ultimately destroy their employees. That’s what psychopaths do. They feed like ticks & tapeworms upon our lives. They live for the sick thrill of damaging happy, younger, attractive, productive and caring people.  You’ll want to vomit your guts up when you stare into their crazy eyes & phony mask of concern as they twist the knife of insult and betrayal into your heart.

But also know, you are far from alone.  Roughly 4% of the populace are psychopaths.  A fraction of those are criminal — violent robbers, rapers and serial killers.  Many of them are able to operate within the law so statistically speaking, there are decent chances that you have a psychopath in your family, school, social circle or work.  And if your Psychopath Boss  who makes work unbearable for her employees is the only one you encounter, count yourself lucky.

But when wrongful termination happens at the hands of a Psychopath Boss, you have three choices: you can let it define your career, you can let it destroy you or you can let it strenghthen your resolve to succeed.


For now, you need to defend yourself emotionally and psychologically from this Psychopath Boss who is undermining your wellbeing and work reputation.

  • 1. Learn all you can about Psychopaths.

A basic knowledge of psychopathy can save you years of heartache at the hands of a boss you can never please, who never stops lying and cheating  you and who keeps you dangling on the hook. It can give you the strength to move on from a job where your boss keeps everyone in terror by constantly promising the world but only giving you her a** to kiss.

  • 2.  Gather information.

You will discover you are neither imagining things nor alone.  You may even find comrades. You may luck up and uncover information potentially damaging to your manager (cocaine addiction, exploiting illegal domestic workers, cheating on her husband, etc.)  This could be helpful in negotiating a proper exit from the work relationship.

  • 3.  Develop rapport with those who understand your Boss is a Psychopath.

At the very least, you’ll need a job reference from someone who doesn’t hate you to pieces.

  • 4.  Try to get help from Human Resources.

Meh – you can try.  But honestly, don’t be surprised if that department is a useless dead end that only brands you as a troublemaker.  Especially if you litigate.  There is no justice in their bland, corporate hallways.  Their job is to get people out the door and save the company money.  They don’t wanna know and they don’t wanna get involved.  So spare your breath and effort.

Please read this juicy article about how HR investigations exonerate bully bosses:

  • 5. Get away from your Psychopathic Boss as soon as you safely can.

Move on.  Trust me — it’s not going to get better.  This Psychopath Boss is a disaster on two legs.  And she will try to strip you of your dignity and mobility until she succeeds.



OMG!  I’m in the worst trouble of my life. I sent a nude photo of me in the shower to my boyfriend James on his cellphone.  He left his cell in his locker at football practice and somehow my pic got texted to all his friends.  Now I’m being bullied for real.  I keep getting threatening calls from a blocked number threatening to send my nude photo to the whole school.  That is unless I let the janitors “run a train” on me and videotape it. My friend Sandy says that’s some kind of gang sex thing.  What’m I gonna do?  My boyfriends says he thinks it’s all my fault.  Do I call the cops?  I could get in trouble for sending underage pictures? I saw that on the news.

-Kristen W.

I was at a party with my girls Amber and Becky.We were studying for the Regent’s exams next week and we got into some Hillbilly heroin her boyfriend Carter brought by.  There was some horsing around and our tops came off and Carter videotaped up.  Then he showed the video to his friends at the pool hall and the video got in the hands of some “connected” guys Carter went to school with.  Long story short.  These mobbed up guys are gonna show my family unless me and Amber start to work off $10,000 they decided we owe them.  That’s the price or else we get recruited into a life of prostitution.  I hate Carter and I don’t know who to trust.  My Mom died five years ago and my Dad is a cop but I found his porno stash in the basement 2 years ago. Now he doesn’t even hide it from me and my brothers.  And I don’t wanna get him in trouble at his job.  What can I do?

-Marie-Christine P.


The super-friendly stranger at the mall who wants you to work for him or her as a “model.”  The boyfriend who’s just having some fun with a video camera.   The circle of friends who rat out your nude pictures to your school.

When I was a freshman at college,  some frat boys posted polaroid pictures of a first-year cheerleader performing oral sex at a party all over campus.  That was the old technology but the spirit remains the same: exploitation.

And whether it’s egotripping, titillation or big bucks to be made off porn and prostitution, today’s women of all ages are at risk.  Hackers can even remotely activate the webcam on your laptop and get footage of you undressing, etc. in your home.

Women are vulnerable to blackmail because they’re easy to intimidate and too embarrassed to seek help. And sex-tortionists are will make good on their threats. If you will do anything to stop those images from getting out, you are infinitely blackmailable.


Contact large, protective men you know.  Contact the police.  Contact Legal Aid or a private lawyer.  Swallow your pride and fear and talk to your family.  Educate yourself about what the consequences have been for

But real safety is in prevention.  It’s trendy and all but so are STDS.

You have to look long and hard at any boyfriend or friend who would create such ricky imagery. Kim Kardashian, Vanessa Hudgens and Scarlett Johannsen aside, you also have to look in the mirror and question why you want to create nudies of yourself in the first place.  Imagine the worst that could happen before you take steps that could make the worst your reality.



I’ve been working for two years as a Content Director for a short films website.  I bust my a** and then some.  I do my job, create entirely new projects that drive users and revenue.  I’m trying to save up for a house and to get married.  So two days ago, I prepared super-well for my performance review. So my specific gradings are all superlative in all categories then my boss invents some BS about “You’re not a strong communicator and can’t build business relationships.”  If I’m not doing that well, who is?  “No promotion for you” and not even a decent 10% raise is all I get for my hard work.

-Lorilei C.

I’ve been subbing for my alcoholic boss over half this year.  He is Plant Manager at our ballcap manufacturing plant and warehouse in Colorado.  I support his trip to rehab but to overlook my contribution above and beyond my title and salary is beyond insulting. But I heard my review from the brothers who are the owners on the fly as they wolfed Subway sandwiches.  The bottom line? The younger brother grunts at me: “Only giving you a Cost-Of-Living raise this year.  You’re lucky to have a job in this economy. And don’t think I haven’t noticed you sucking up to the Investors when they stop by to see our new lines of hats. Watch yourself cause we’re watching you.” WTF?

-Cameron T.


Often in the work world, cruelty is a commodity. There’s a difference between a strong, assertive leader and a secret sadist. There is a tinge of exploitation as you’re encouraged to work super-hard for a merit bonus that never comes. As the victim, you are compelled to keep the secret to keep your job and pay.  To your Bully Boss, your orchestrated fear, failure, depression, hostility & loneliness is entertainment, especially for managers who are personally unhappy at home. I always joke: people who don’t get any are the worst people to work for.  That’s true talk.

The sad reality is some managers invent and augment crises to “solve” and negative dynamics they can “overcome.” They seek to be the Protector of the Purse Strings, Viking of the Economic Downturn, Saber Rattler at Wayward Staffers. Holding the carrot of merit just out of reach endlessly strings you along their impossible obstacle course of performance.  By surrounding themselves with purported stupes and nincompoops like you, these supervisors seem most valuable or interesting to their peers and superiors.  They shore up this perception by tearing you down or forcing you to fall apart. Or quit. If you’re a manager looking to be admired but willing to settle for negative attention, baby, you can get become the Red Queen or King by humiliating others.  But why do these bosses need to demean their employees so badly?

The essential & foremost function of the bureaucracy and the bureaucrat is to perpetuate itself. They wanna keep their jobs at any cost.  Fair or unfair doesn’t enter the equation.

And please don’t doubt our employers are being coached by their masters and mentors on how to be mean with means. Money and benefits are the only reasons any of you are there.  And they often wanna be stingy and hurtful on purpose.

I strongly suspect it’s some part of unspoken corporate hazing.  Perhaps they had to suffer through it and couldn’t understand why. Like so many victims of trauma, they strive to understand abuse by inhabiting it and perpetrating it.


Bide your time.  Look for job opportunities in other departments and companies.  The most eloquent and safe answer to your Bully Boss’s provocations will eventually be the severing of all ties.



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