LOVE SCENE INVESTIGATION
My boyfriend Ward is a successful songwriter and DJ. He’s signed to Young Money and he behaves like the Prince song: he wants to be my lover, my mother, my brother, my sister too, and my father. I’m so lucky that Ward supports me while I finish college and medical school. Ward swears he’s a good Christian and focused on family. He’s a great boyfriend and we’re gonna get engaged at Christmas. Ward claims he has the ultimate respect for me as his girlfriend. Then why do I have crabs?
My boyfriend Rajiv is very smart — the Cornell grad is going to be a doctor. He spent the whole summer studying really hard for his medical board examinations. I’m really proud to be his girlfriend. On August 30th, I teased Mr. Workaholic into taking a break to celebrate his birthday at his favorite BBQ restaurant in Murray Hill. We had the candles and sparklers and singing waitress with a molten chocolate lava cake. One of the other waitresses pulled me aside and asked me why my boyfriend has three different birthdays and three different girlfriends to celebrate each one with him. So Rajiv is the man with three birthdays. He has 3 girlfriends at the same time and he told us all different birthdays: June, July and August 30th. He kept the dates similar so that if any one of us looked at his Driver’s License, he could say that there was a mistake at the DMV. Rajiv is really smart. I mean, a douchebag but a smart one. And I got played like a Stradivarius.
These days, being girlfriend and boyfriend doesn’t always count for much besides friendly sexual access. Many men get a “girlfriend” not because they love the woman, but because this is the simplest and easiest way to get laid consistently for cheap.
Ladies, this is the new game in town: “The Bullsh*t Title.”
Dinner is a setup — you know how it’s gonna end. Meeting his friends, co-workers and Mom is just a ruse to make it seem real. Time together is spent watching TV at home. You’ll be doing alot of hot sex. Not that anything’s wrong with hot sex. But what’s the point? Where is it going? Very likely nowhere. Women stay “girlfriends” with a B.S. man for years and realize way late that he never planned to marry them. He may talk kids, marriage and homebuying but… Is he funny about giving you gifts you can keep? Dodgy about travelling together and spending holidays together? Having events and trips you aren’t welcome at? “Hanging with the boys” again? When it’s all said & done, he enjoyed the consistent piece of ass. I hope you enjoyed delivering it, too.
Deciphering the B.S. is what this blog and the dating game is all about. And it can be tougher to solve than the Rubik’s cube.
Don’t fall for the “B.S. title” game.
If you both felt you struck gold with each other, then there would be no need keep dating and having lovers behind your back. Next!